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  • Writer's pictureKEVIN PATRICK KANE

Values, Norms, and Difference

I do not evaluate people or come to conclusions about them based on limited interactions. I do not find it frightening when someone disregards social norms and skips normal interaction behavior. I see that to be a positive thing in most cases. I am not offended when a person who I spoke to 3 times forgets my name. I am not important enough, and I would say something is wrong with me if I expected to be, and something wrong with you if you wished to be. I hope to receive nothing from people if I am not an important part of the person's life.

I do NOT believe I have the right to be noticed by the world simply because I am here. I have to earn that, and I am not excited about people who see it differently, who don't want to earn it by exclusively giving a person a reason to want to that is directed towards them and that is more attractive to what that person values than all the other things they can be doing with their attention. This is how I think daily. It is woven into my mindset at the very root of my thinking.

I could never spend a lot of time with a person who values reinforcing societal standards and norms as if they are safeguarding the gates of heaven or something. That sounds like a miserable way to live. Some values and norms protect people, that help glue them, and then there are ones that serve no purpose but to hinder better communication and bonding, and those must be slowly eroded with time.

I do not like people who resort to insecurity by reaching for control to put a cap on uncertainty. I prefer people who deal with uncertainty by doubling their energy to draw more attention towards their value and create a wake in the water around them. The former who deal with it through control and passive aggression I don't have patience for.

I do not want to be around people who want to match my ability because they think doing so will somehow attract me or my attention. Be an overachiever for you, not to win some imaginary place of equality in ability that you equate to the right to self-esteem and being, which I do not equate to those things like you. I achieve selfishly for me. I do not want recognition or acknowledgment for self-esteem. I do it purely out of pleasure, metaphysical purpose, and my cravings and enjoyment.

I do not look for intelligence in other people as an important part of who they are. When it is there I will take it and enjoy it as they enjoy mine, but it is not what defines friendship or a relationship. It is the calorie level of a meal. It is not the flavor and setting, which are far more important things to attend to in life.

I much more care about what kind of interests you have, your general attitude towards life, that you are positive, and that you have your unique take on things in the world that I get to listen to and learn something from. Everything else is a lesser important part of who you are to me, although to many they define themselves by things that I do not value, all while they feel insecure in my company over it. I have no interest in social status, not even in the back of my mind. I wish to be around people who are the same.

My mind is not on status and what I think of myself or others. My mind is not on you that way either. The only difference I know that matters across different status levels in society is the ability to become a high trust person, and to stay organized enough to progress and grow. People who adapt to lower trust environments may have a hard time forming bonds with people, and so that is a problem that may make or break a bond.

Sometimes people look for small things about a person to come to big conclusions and take their words literally. I don't take anything a person says literally because I look to measure them by their actions over longer periods and not their words. All of this connects to how I see the world and people. It is perhaps not on the same page as a lot of other people. I do not meet uncertainty with anxiety, but instead with curiosity and excitement. I stay calm and collect data. I know I will win when I have enough data. It's all about data. Data collection takes patience and time. That is how I go about people.



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